Much Ado about Nothing – 3rd millennium style

2009. The last year of the first decade of the 21st century. Otherwise known as “the Noughties”. Other alternatives include “the zeros”, the “double 0s” or just “the 2000s”. But somehow, they don’t have the same ring. That ring, that certain something is a fine example of how flexible – and witty – the English language can be. Take the name of a number: nought, give it a twist and you come up with a name for the decade that’s appropriate, catchy and fun.

“Noughties” is, of course, also a pun on the word “naughty” – malicious and cruel when extreme, sexy when playful, childish when caught out… All pretty plausible descriptions of our current era if you look back over the last 9 years.
So, if the Sixties were Swinging and the Twenties were Roaring, what’s the betting that our soon-to-be-over decade will one day be coined the Naughty Noughties?

A thought which leads naturally on to yet more praise for the flexibility and inventiveness of the English language. A glance at the Robert Dictionary of French Synonyms and Nuances reveals only three alternatives for the word “zéro” (zero, nought) as a number and five for the word “rien” (nothing). The Oxford Thesaurus of the English Language, on the other hand, comes up with over twenty in both cases. These range from the simple nil to zilch, via bubkis, nix, nowt, zip or even sweet f.a. and diddly squat – not to mention naught as well as nought (bringing us back to the Naughty Noughties).

In fact, naught is an archaic form, probably originating in Scotland, and now more widely used in North America, whereas nought is the common modern form in Britain (does that make the Americans naughtier than the Brits?). The immortal playwright quoted in the title of this piece would probably have been more familiar with the word “cipher”, whereas cricket fans hope their team won’t come up with a “duck” – yes, out for a duck means a batsman has been taken out of play by the opposing side without having scored a single run. And is there another language in the world where sport and romance combine, only to produce absolutely nothing? Surely you’ve heard the umpire at Wimbledon or Flushing Meadows call “40-love”!

But as 2009 gets underway, the Noughties are nearly over. Just eleven months of noughtiness, naughtiness, but hopefully not nothingness, to go. And what will come next? Some are predicting the Teenies – will they be Tiny, Torrid, Terrible? It’s true, in the late Noughties, economic growth is lower than zero, but let’s be optimistic. Let’s hope the Teenies will be Tremendous!

Sara Green, W5 Editorial

British-born and Lyon-based, Sara Green doesn’t usually write about nothing. In fact, she writes some pretty serious - and sometimes award-winning - copy for international business clients, through her company W5 Editorial. W5 is France’s only corporate communications agency specialising in English language writing for business. For more information, visit http://www.w5editorial.com.